Since everyone has a different tolerance for scary it can be difficult to know what’s appropriate for your kid until it’s too late. Some kids think Gremlins is awesome, and some (mine) make you turn it off after 20 minutes then don’t sleep for a week.

To avoid the latter, we’ve compiled a list of our favourite scary movies for kids that won’t completely scare the pants off them. They’re not all Halloween-specific but they do have an element of spooky that’s perfect for family movie night. And don’t forget the ghoulish snacks, including our favourite sweet and salty popcorn.

Scary Movies for Kids of All Ages (That Aren’t Too Scary)

Bedknobs and Broomsticks

Based on the books The Magic Bedknob; or How to Become a Witch in Ten Easy Lessons, the 1971 film combines live-action and animation to tell the story of an apprentice witch, three precocious children, and an enchanted bed who all travel into a fantasy land to help the British defeat the German army in World War II. It was nominated for five Academy Awards and won Best Special Effects in 1972. (1:57)

Book of Life

In a small Mexican town, Maria (Zoe Saldana), Joaquin (Channing Tatum), and Manolo (Diego Luna) have been friends their entire lives. But nothing lasts forever and the friendship is tested when the three reunite as young adults. Both Manolo and Joaquin both want to marry Maria but first, Manolo will have to navigate three rich fantasy worlds and confront the difference between what he wants to do and what is expected of him. (1:35)

Casper

Casper the friendly ghost falls in love with teenage Kat (Christina Ricci) when Kat and her father (Bill Pullman) move into a run-down mansion in an attempt to rid it of evil spirits. But can their love overcome Casper’s transparency and the antics of his aunts and uncles? (1:40)

Coco

In this visually stunning and colourful Pixar epic, young Miguel, an aspiring musician, enters the land of the dead in an attempt to uncover the real story of his family’s history and its generations-long ban on music. (1:45)

Hotel Transylvania

(1:31)  and

Hotel Transylvania 2

(1:29)

Dracula, owner/operator of a high-end hotel far from civilization, has a teenage daughter (Mavis) who just happens to fall in love with a geeky guest, forcing the Count to confront the fact that his baby girl is growing up. In the sequel, Mavis becomes a mother and Dracula and his friends band together to try and stop her and her young family from leaving the hotel.

It’s the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown

The Great Pumpkin is a Halloween legend that only Linus believes in. According to Linus, the Great Pumpkin delivers toys to deserving children on Halloween. Will this be the year the Peanuts gang sees him? (25 mins)

Scary Movies for Kids Recommended for Ages 8-12

The Addams Family

They’re creepy and they’re kooky, they’re altogether spooky … In the cartoon remake of the 1964 television series and 1991 film, the unusual Addams Family proves that your family’s weirdness has nothing on the Addams. Features macabre moments and suggestive humour that may not be appropriate for all viewers.

Beetlejuice

Featuring an all-star cast including Alec Baldwin, Michael Keaton, Winona Ryder, and Catherine O’Hara, Beetlejuice is a Halloween classic that follows the story of a young couple who perish in an accident and are forced to haunt their country house. When the property is purchased by a young family, chaos ensues. (1:32)

Coraline

Coraline is a spunky and precocious 11-year old girl who’s just moved to Oregon from Michigan. Left to her own devices by her busy parents, Coraline discovers an alternate world behind a secret door in her new house. This new world seems even better than reality, but what happens when she wants to leave? (1:40)

Corpse Bride

Only Tim Burton could make the story of a young groom, a deceased bride, and a colossal misunderstanding so weirdly entertaining. Helena Bonham Carter and Johnny Depp are the voices behind the stars of this animated tale. (1:17)

E.T.

Turn on your heart light for this classic story about love and acceptance of a benign alien invasion. When E.T. (Extra-Terrestrial) becomes stranded on earth, young Elliott finds him and brings him home. Despite trying to keep E.T. a secret, soon Elliott’s mother, his neighbourhood and even the government are intervening. (1:55)

Frankenweenie

Young Victor Frankenstein is a bit of an outsider at school. And when his best friend, his dog Sparky, dies suddenly, Victor is heartbroken and resorts to a ghoulish experiment that brings Sparky back to life. But Victor’s fellow students have stolen his secret and now other animals are being resurrected. What could possibly go wrong? (2012 version, 1:27)

The Goonies

Who doesn’t dream of discovering an ancient treasure map? When the Goonies (a group of misfits) actually do, they’re launched into a quest filled with dangerous obstacles and one very determined property developer who wants to destroy their home to build a country club. (1:49)

Matilda

When one genius little girl and her awesome teacher take on the world’s worst parents and principal everyone’s world is turned upside down. The film adaptation of Roald Dahl’s beloved book features Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman as Matilda’s monstrous parents, and Pam Ferris as the incomparably awful school principal Agatha Trunchbull. (1:38)

Monster House

When three teenagers discover that the creepy house in the neighbourhood is actually a living breathing monster they must act quickly to protect the lives of innocent trick or treaters, even if their parents don’t believe them. (1:30)

Nanny McPhee

Behave or Beware is Nanny’s motto and the Brown family children know she’s not above using a little magic to rein everyone in, especially when Great Aunt Stitch (Angela Lansbury) threatens to separate the clan for good. (1:37)

The Haunted Mansion

Workaholic realtor Jim Evers (Eddie Murphy) learns a valuable lesson about family when he endangers his wife and children by attempting to sell a haunted mansion. (1:28) (Ed. note: a new version of The Haunted Mansion is now on Disney+ and it’s so good!)

ParaNorman

A misfit boy who prefers conversations with the dead to those with this living becomes his town’s only hope in the fight against zombies who are suddenly rising from the grave to fulfill a centuries-old witches curse. (1:32)

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Sometimes the stars align and you all get out the door in clean clothes, sans yelling. And sometimes that hour between waking and leaving the house can be the most stressful part of the day.

Busy school mornings are a special kind of torture for working moms who are getting themselves and their littles ready, all on a tight schedule. When I traded full-time for part-time work, mornings were a huge part of the reason. After stressful mornings, of which there were many, I would drop my daughters off at school or before care feeling so defeated and mad at myself for losing my cool yet again. Then I’d go about the rest of my day feeling terrible.

And yes, I tried packing lunches and picking out clothes the night before. I tried using a routine chart to help them get ready, and I also tried going technology-free. All these things helped but somewhere, somehow, something would always go off the rails. I would spend five minutes too long on prepping for my day or try to squeeze one too many chores into our last five minutes before departure. (Who among us hasn’t emerged from the laundry room to find everything has gone to hell in under three minutes?)

If you’re in the same boat and vowing to establish new, more positive routines this school year, here are some suggestions…

8 Ways to Make Busy School Mornings Less Stressful

1. Do everything the night before…

Even if you’re already picking out clothes and packing lunches and backpacks in the evening, consider prepping breakfast too. Bowls, cutlery and non-perishable foods can be left on the counter overnight for quick and easy access. In winter, lay hats, mitts, scarves and boots out by the front door to avoid frantic searching. Before bed, make sure you’ve done a quick run through of the next day. Library books or permission slips due? Is today gym or tuck shop? Start the bedtime routine a little earlier to make time for this.

2. Make some rules…

Our rule is you can’t come out of your room (except to pee) until you’re dressed. And there’s no TV or iPad until teeth and hair are done and shoes are on. My oldest has ADHD and mornings are tough on both of us. By setting a few firm rules or expectations we’ve been able to minimize the frustration.

3. Get up before the kids…

As busy moms we need all the sleep we can get, but getting up even 15 minutes before the kids do means you can stretch, meditate, shower (alone, how glorious!), or have a quiet cup of coffee as you check the headlines and plan your day. When I get up at the same time as my kids I feel like I’m playing catch up all day long. I’m cranky and scattered because I haven’t taken the time to organize myself.

4. Build cuddle time into your routine…

Right now, my kids love going to school and rarely try the “my tummy hurts” trick. But occasionally something like a test or trouble with a friend will have them out of sorts and dragging their feet. Little ones tend to be at their neediest in the morning as they anticipate time away from mom and dad. Building time into your routine for connection, ie. a quiet chat and a snuggle can help prevent some of the behaviours that slow things down and amp the morning frustration.

5. Add some fun…

You don’t have to be a (total) drill sergeant to have a successful morning. Once we’re ready, I let my kids take turns picking a song to blast as we put on shoes and coats. We have special plates and bowls just for school day mornings, and I try to redirect their complaints about being rushed and nagged to thinking about something fun we’re going to do that evening or weekend. You know your kid’s currency so get her thinking about something she’s excited about, or something that makes her happy, as a distraction from the fact that you’re hustling her out the door like a member of the secret service.

6. Save the big conversations for later…

Kids will often pick the most inconvenient times to ask the big questions. Somewhere in the kid code it says: Wait until she’s fussing with your zipper or the dog poops in the kitchen so your query will have maximum impact. “How did that baby get in her tummy anyway? Why don’t Paige’s mommy and daddy live together? Why do you have hair down there?” Don’t feel bad if you can’t summon the mental energy for a thoughtful response at that particular moment. It’s okay to say “great question, let’s talk about that tonight.”

7. Use the trip to school to press reset…

If you take your kids to school or daycare yourself, use that time to put any morning ugliness behind you. If you were collapsed in a stuttering, thumb-sucking heap five minutes ago when your 19^th request for shoes and coats was ignored, use this time to restart the day. Shut the door, take a deep breath and leave the chaos inside. Talk about what excites you about your day, a funny dream you had. Hold their hands, make eye contact, tell them you love them and resolve to be better tomorrow.

8. Be strong, mama…

Parenting is not for the faint of heart, and our children are looking to us to set the tone for the day, model good behaviour and establish rules and boundaries. And yes, I know that’s hard. But don’t give up just because everyone resists change at first. Remember, busy school mornings are hard on the kids too. They don’t like being rushed and stressed any more than you do so if you find a way to make it easier for everyone, stick with it.

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To be fair, school isn’t most kids’ happy place but there’s a difference between being grumpy about it and outright hating it.

So what’s a parent to do? How do we unravel the knot that parks itself in our stomach in mid-August and stays there all year? How do we help our kids through it? What do you do if your kid hates school?

What to Do if Your Kid Hates School…

Let’s start by acknowledging that the world has changed, and the school experience isn’t what it used to be. Mental health problems and anxiety are at an all-time high among adolescents, and post-pandemic social and educational delays are making everything harder.

Today’s students must navigate achievement expectations that are higher than ever and, in most cases, a one-size-fits-all approach to curriculum and instruction. Art, Music, and Phys Ed are the only classes where many students can breathe, socialize, and express themselves, but they’re also the first to go when budgets are cut.

And then there’s the human element. Many of our teachers are understandably exhausted, frustrated, and burned out, to say nothing of the fact that – thanks to social media – bullies and mean girls can now follow our kids home and into their bedrooms.

In short, we’re tired. Everyone’s tired. (Also, my back hurts.)

So maybe if your kid hates school, coaching them through this phase starts with admitting that school might not be a very fun place. And instead of insisting to your kid that going to school is better than working and paying bills (ahem, guilty), try putting yourself in their shoes.

But empathy is only part of it. What our kids really need us to do is act: to ask questions and aggressively advocate for them. We need to get involved in the school community and figure out what isn’t working and share that information with our children’s teachers and administrators to create the best possible experience for our kids.

That doesn’t mean taking him out of math class if he hates math. It means giving our kids the opportunity to tell us what’s working and what isn’t. It means understanding that the student’s voice is missing from most education settings, and what the consequences of this are.

“No wonder kids are bored,” one principal admitted, “because right now, there’s no room for their input. They’re not being heard. Kids don’t want to go to school because they feel like they don’t belong.”

Neurologist and classroom teacher Judy Wills argues that negative feelings toward school can actually indicate a healthy brain. But unfortunately, kids learn pretty quickly not to bother asking for help if they don’t always get it. Wills writes:

When children’s brains develop school negativity, it is usually the result of the effort-preserving mindsets constructed by unsuccessful prior efforts. Through a past history of failed efforts — past efforts to sustain attention in class, do homework carefully, persevere at challenging classwork — that did not result in success, children’s brains learn to automatically resist putting mental effort into subsequent similar activities.

It would be wonderful if teachers could tailor instruction to our children’s unique needs and preferences, but this is not a realistic proposition in most classrooms. Because no matter how hard a teacher works to cater to 20 or 30 unique little minds, and no matter how hard a school works to be safe, inclusive, and welcoming, some kids will fall through the cracks.

And that’s where parents come in. When something’s not right we need to ask questions (the type that will get you more than a “fine” in return) and share that information. Helping kids through “I hate school” starts with good communication between parent and kid and parent and school. Don’t leave it up to the overworked, under-resourced teacher to get to know your child as an individual. Provide her with the information she needs to do so and when problems arise, ask her “did you know this?” Yes, teachers have a lot on their plates but I’ve yet to meet one who wants less information about her students, not more.

Sometimes difficulties in the classroom stem from a learning or physical disability. Sometimes it’s as simple as making sure your child can see the board and hear the teacher properly, and sometimes there’s more going on. According to mayoclinic.org, students who aren’t at or approaching grade level in spelling, reading, writing, and math, or who have difficulty remembering or following instructions, should be tested for a learning disability.

Today’s teachers and schools are expected to be and do many things – so much so that ‘education’ often takes a back seat to social work and mental health. The responsibility is staggering, and the school community needs parents’ help. If your child has a medical issue, you talk to her doctor. If your child has an issue with his team, you talk to the coach. School is no different.

So if you’re dreading the new school year remember that YOU are your child’s best resource when it comes to solving problems. We shouldn’t remove every roadblock our kids experience, but we should be there to demonstrate problem-solving skills and help them when they need it.

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Unfortunately, that scandal is more than a commentary on how rich and powerful people use their money and connections to bend the rules. It’s also a commentary on what so many of us believe our role as parents should be and what we value when it comes to our children.

Cheating to get your kid ahead is indicative of how deeply we value academic achievement and perception over character and effort.

While the degree might get a kid the job, independence, problem-solving, resilience, perseverance and emotional intelligence are what will help them keep it and be successful in all areas of life. Those are the skills that are truly transferrable and make for good, well-rounded humans, the kind of people others want to be around and work with. Those are the skills that are often in short supply and therefore the true differentiators between people.

Those of us raised in the 1970s and 1980s probably had more “free-range” childhoods than children of later decades. Those of us from the latch-key, come-home-when-the-streetlights-come-on, cell phone-free generation were raised with a slightly different ethos – one that embraced self-sufficiency.

The Shift to Hyper-Parenting

In the last few decades, however, there’s been a shift towards hyper-parenting, driven in part by the 24-hour news cycle that has erroneously convinced us kidnappers are lurking around every corner. Socio-economic realities like the emerging global marketplace and erosion of the middle class have also contributed to an increased focus on academic achievement as the best route to success (which is too often defined only in financial terms).

The result? A generation of parents who think they have to be actively involved in every aspect of their child’s life in order for him to stay safe and succeed.

But in reality, this often results in children who haven’t learned general coping skills; who haven’t experienced what it’s like to overcome obstacles, self-govern or to bounce back from disappointment.

Rightfully so, mental health is a huge concern for kids of all ages

And it’s no wonder parents think the best way to protect their children’s delicate psyches is to make sure they get everything they want without struggling. But what are the long-term consequences of this approach? And isn’t it short-sighted? Doesn’t it absolve us from doing the really hard work of parenting, the in-the-trenches, teaching the hard lessons kind of work that is exhausting and difficult but ultimately so rewarding?

Someone once told me, after watching my newly-adopted four-year-old run up and down the halls of my office hollering at the top of her lungs and disrupting everyone and everything in a 50-metre radius, that it was time to stop babysitting and start parenting. This is something I’ve never forgotten. A babysitter would smile and tell the child to be quiet, redirect with another activity. A parent immediately puts a stop to it and firmly explains why certain behaviour is unacceptable and how our actions impact others. A parent implements consequences. Now, every time I find myself leaning towards the easier route, the path of least resistance, I remember that I’m a parent, not a babysitter.

Most of us want to teach our kids that it’s important to be fair and that there’s a difference between right and wrong. We also want our children to believe they’re capable of anything, that they’re special and unique. But these two paradigms aren’t always easy to reconcile because the latter often slides into allowing our children, and ourselves, to think they’re more valuable than other kids. Then, when what we preach about hard work and ethics isn’t practiced, or when those values are selectively applied, everything we say we value is contradicted and undermined.

There’s nothing harder than watching your child fail.

But raising good humans and helping them succeed is not mutually exclusive. It’s our job to teach our kids how to exist in a competitive world, how to differentiate themselves, how to stand out. Leveraging our own experiences and knowledge in service to our children is a big part of what parenting should be.

What parenting should not be is removing all obstacles from your child’s path.

Parents who really want to give their children an advantage should spend their money on activities that support real-life skills, not on taking short cuts. Parenting is a long game but it’s not a competitive sport and many of us need to learn to back off and let our kids navigate the world more independently. We are coaches, not managers; trainers, not agents.

Putting a premium on academic achievement is just one way we take a short-sighted approach to parenting, and one way we might be denying our kids the opportunity to discover all the other ingredients that make for good human beings. We all want our kids to succeed. We all want our kids to have advantages and realize their potential. But it’s our job to teach it to them, not hand it to them.

The post Raising a Good Kid Should Matter More Than Academic Achievement appeared first on SavvyMom.

In her book, called Achtung Baby: An American Mom on the German Art of Raising Self-Reliant Children, author Sara Zaske pulls back the curtain on a way of parenting that emphasizes “selbstandigkeit” (self-reliance) and the development of “free and independent” kids.

Contrasting a nation’s parenting philosophies with the North American way is not new. Before Achtung Baby there was Amy Chua’s Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom, a book that had us all talking about the traditional Chinese way of raising children. Then came Bringing Up Bebe about parenting in the land of Champagne and frites, followed by The Happiest Kids in the World: How Dutch Parents Help Their Kids (and Themselves) by Doing Less.

Despite the fact it’s my job to comment on parenting trends, I always hesitate to tackle big-picture concepts like parenting styles and philosophies. Doing so feels a little bit like playing “What Time is it Mr. Wolf?” because no matter how cautious you are, you’re probably going to get eaten.

But what I read in Achtung Baby is pretty darn interesting and German parenting is worthy of a closer look.

German Parenting 101:

In Berlin, almost all children walk to school. Alone. They use sharp knives to cut their own food and most of them fall asleep in their own beds, by themselves. Most German children are allowed to play outside unsupervised and they ride their bikes from point A to point B, even when it’s a distance of several miles.

At her daughter’s preschool, Zaske is informed that no bathing suit will be required for swim class because all the children go naked in the water. These same children, all age four, are also invited to a parent-free sleepover at the school.

These anecdotes are compelling, of course, because it’s such a departure from the way things are done in (pre-pandemic) North America, where children’s play is structured, supervised, and parsed into “dates”; where extra-curricular activities are mercilessly competitive and children are ferried to and fro in cars because transportation via automobile is safer and faster than walking.

Germany is the birthplace of efficiency yet it’s North Americans who cornered the market on how to cram meals, school, work, activities, “play”, homework, housework, and sleep into a 24-hour day.

It would be easy to think of German parenting as being way too hands-off, even dangerously so. But the critical point that must be made is that German parents care deeply about their children. What we might consider “bad parenting” is actually a relentless desire to raise capable, self-reliant and self-directed adults.

Most of us can come around to the idea of risking a cut hand in order to teach children how to use knives. And most of us can see the benefit of letting our children learn to problem-solve on their own, even when their sadness feels like it’s tearing us apart. But in the era of “me too” and the seemingly never-ending stories of horrific crimes committed against children, it’s easy to feel like the only way to keep our kids safe from the worst kind of harm is to control their every movement and interaction; to accompany them everywhere and never let our guards down.

Our 24-hour news cycle, coupled with information availability, has created a sense of panic among modern parents and a belief that these terrifying incidents are much more common than they really are. As a result, we are hyper-vigilant about where our children are, what they’re doing, and who they’re with. Like most parents, I don’t care how statistically rare child abductions are, they’re still my greatest fear and the reason I am profoundly uncomfortable letting my daughters out of my sight for even a minute.

But at what cost? Saying we’re trading freedom for safety is an over-simplification but it’s not entirely inaccurate. By walking or driving my ten-year old to her friends’ house seven blocks away I am denying her the opportunity to demonstrate independence and responsibility. I am denying her the opportunity to practice what she’s learned about strangers and crossing the street safely. But this often seems preferable to the alternative, risking what could happen.

Germany isn’t immune from crimes against children and its parents aren’t immune from fearing the worst. But en masse, German parents choose to reject fear and act in ways that put a child’s growth and development above all else. Germans respect their children as individuals and give them the freedom to have experiences and make mistakes, believing this will result in happier children and more productive adults.

Zaske is also careful to point out that Germany’s exceptional social infrastructure has helped pave the way for a village-type approach to child-rearing. On this side of the Atlantic, things like a lack of affordable child-care and our live to work philosophy often mean hyper-scheduled lives. What might look like helicopter parenting by comparison is often just a by-product of the way we live here in North America. As one book reviewer noted, we might want to parent like Germans, but we can’t.

It is probably for all of these reasons, then, that Zaske’s book title refers to parenting as an “art”, admitting that there is some subjectivity to parenting in Germany, and indeed the world; that far from being an exact science, child-rearing requires finesse, creativity, and instinct.

There is no one-size-fits-all approach. Sometimes our decisions are personal, sometimes they’re societal, but they always come from a place of wanting what’s best for our kids. It’s when we try to determine what “best” means that things get complicated.

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