Emotional abuse is quiet. It’s psychological, and designed to make you question your reality. You’re walking on eggshells, trying to prevent an explosion that never seems to come; and you blame yourself if it does.

Emotional abuse is not “poor communication” or a “rough patch.” It’s a pattern of control. It’s one person in the family consistently undermining another’s confidence, independence, and sense of safety. Does that sounds familiar? If it does,  you’re not imagining it.

Signs and Symptoms of Emotional Abuse

Small Moments Really Aren’t Small

When we picture domestic abuse we think of screaming and hitting or something very dramatic. But it often consists of ordinary moments that, compounded over time, leave deep and painful scars.

Here are some signs that something more serious might be happening:

The Moving Target

Every decision becomes a trap. You research, plan, and choose, and it’s always wrong. And when you ask them to decide, they refuse, saying it’s “too much pressure” or “not their responsibility.” You become paralyzed and afraid to make the wrong choice but you’re blamed no matter what you do.

The Silent Treatment

After a disagreement or a reason you don’t know of yet, they withdraw completely. Hours, days, or weeks of silence occur until you apologize, even if you can’t think of anything you did wrong. You start to believe that peace is something that needs to be earned.

Withholding

This one can be especially confusing because it often masquerades as emotional “distance” or “needing space.” Withholding means deliberately denying connection, affection, intimacy, or even basic communication as a form of control. They might refuse to answer simple questions, ignore messages, or turn away when you reach out.

Withholding makes you feel invisible. You become desperate to fix something that you didn’t break.

Over time, you come to believe that your emotional needs are selfish demands, wanting affection or clarity is inconvenient, and that love is earned by being quiet and agreeable (maybe).

Transactional Love

When affection and attention become transactional, love is no longer love; it’s currency. They might offer warmth, compliments, or intimacy only if you’ve done something they approve of. Maybe you apologized for something you may or may not have don, agreed with them or fallen in line. Any kindness is no longer given freely, it’s a reward for compliance.

And when that fleeting kindness disappears again, you scramble to earn it back, even when you’re not sure you did nothing wrong.

The cycle of reward-withdrawal-reward is what makes emotional abuse so addictive and confusing. You cling to the “good moments,” because you think they prove that things can be better, but they’re really part of the cycle of abuse that keeps you hooked.

Dog Whistling

Dog whistling happens when they make a remark or gesture that seems harmless to everyone else, but you know exactly what it means and it’s meant to hurt or humiliate you (whether you realize that at first or not). It could be an inside joke, a tone of voice, or a reference that recalls an old argument, secret, or painful recollection.

When or if you react, you’re accused of being oversensitive or paranoid. Dog whistling is an invisible slap that leaves no mark but stings for hours.

Breadcrumbing

Breadcrumbing is stringing you along with tiny, inconsistent gestures of care. So when you’re ready to pull away, they send a sweet text, share a photo, or do something sweet “out of nowhere.” It feels like progress or that things are turning around but it’s actually maintenance. Those small crumbs of attention are just enough to keep you from leaving, while ensuring you never get a full nourishing meal of real love or stability.

Revisionist History

Maybe you try to talk about something hurtful or to resolve a past conflict, and they’ll say it never happened (or that it happened differently.) “You’re too sensitive.” “You always twist things.” You think you are certain of the truth, but slowly, your memory feels unreliable. That’s gaslighting.

The Public Performance

When you’re out and about they’re funny, attentive, and charming around friends and family and strangers alike. The person belittles you in private is always everyone’s favourite guest. This is so if you try to explain the truth, you sound hysterical or ungrateful. Or no one will believe you.

The I’m the Real Victim Routine

In new and immeasurable ways, they flip the script. According to them, you are controlling, critical, or impossible to please. This is to deflect blame and keep you doubting yourself, all the while making others sympathize with them.

These patterns don’t usually start all at once. They creep in gradually until you barely recognize yourself. You begin apologizing for things you didn’t do. And you stop making plans without “checking first.” And you live in constant anxiety over what mood they’ll be in today.

Why This Is Abuse

Abuse is not defined by violence. Abuse is defined by power and control. Emotional abuse isolates you from your friends, your family, your money, your confidence, and eventually your own sense of reality.

Emotional abuse can sound like:

“I’m only saying this because I love you.”

“You’re lucky I put up with you.”

“Everyone thinks you’re the problem.”

Even if there’s never been a single act of physical harm, this pattern still qualifies as domestic abuse. It’s the same playbook of domestic violence, just a quieter version.

What to Do If You Think You Are Being Abused

So if you think you are being emotionally abused, what can or should you do? You can’t fix emotional abuse through communication. You can’t negotiate your way out of coercive control. And marriage counselling or couples therapy can make things worse (as counter-intuitive as that sounds. It can make things worse by giving the abuser more tools and language to manipulate and access to your most vulnerable feelings.

Here’s what actually can help:

Talk to Someone Safe

Tell one trusted person what’s going on. It might be a close friend, your family doctor, a therapist, or a women’s shelter counsellor. You don’t need to be ready to leave to ask for help. You need break the silence.

In Canada, you can reach out to the Assaulted Women’s Helpline (1-866-863-0511) or 211.ca for local resources, available 24/7.

Start Quietly Documenting

Keep detailed notes of incidents or confusing interactions. Write down what was said, when, and how it made you feel. Save texts or emails if you can do so safely. This isn’t about building a legal case (not right away, anyway). These detailed notes are for validating your own reality. Remember that in Canada, it is not illegal to record conversations if you are one of the participants.

Rebuild Your Community

Emotional abuse works because it shrinks your world. You can start to heal by expanding it again. Start therapy, join support groups, online communities, start exercise, expand your education, or simply reconnect with people who treat you kindly. You deserve to feel relaxed in your own home and to speak without fear.

A Final Word on Domestic Abuse

Intimate partner violence and emotional doesn’t always start with a slap or a shove. Sometimes it starts with a sigh, a look, or an offhand joke that makes you feel small. If you’re constantly trying to avoid conflict, to explain yourself, or to prove your worth, that’s survival mode, not a normal relationship dynamic.

And you don’t need proof to reach out for help. You only need to realize that you deserve better. Because love shouldn’t hurt or make you feel crazy. And peace shouldn’t depend on someone else’s permission.

The post Emotional Abuse: When Domestic Violence Isn’t Violent appeared first on SavvyMom.

Water Safety Tips to Prevent Drowning

Supervise Constantly

Always keep a close eye on children when they are in or near water, regardless of their swimming abilities. Assign a responsible adult as a designated water watcher to provide undivided attention. Often drowning happens when we feel we are supervising but something takes away our attention for a few moments. Whether this be to attend to another child, to grab a snack for somebody or to reapply more sunscreen, drowning can happen in a split second.

Learn CPR and First Aid

Knowing cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) and basic first aid can be crucial in case of emergencies. These skills can help save lives while waiting for medical professionals to arrive. It’s also important to refresh your skills every few years (or more often!). In stressful situations it’s common to forget the skills learned so by keeping it fresh in your mind you are readily prepared.

Teach Swimming Skills

Enroll your children in swimming lessons taught by certified instructors. Learning how to swim is an important life skill that can significantly reduce the risk of drowning. While learning to swim is important it’s also imperative to remember that drowning can happen to those who know how to swim as well. This is just another tool in our “water safe toolbox” to help set us up for a safe experience.

Wear Life Jackets

Be Cautious Around Open Water

Lakes, rivers, and oceans can pose additional risks compared to pools. Teach your children about the potential hazards of currents, undertows, and changing water conditions. Have a favourite rock that you love to jump off of? Remember that often conditions under the water can change without it being visible above the water. Always test and have a process in place to ensure it’s a safe environment before jumping.

Fence Home Pools

If you have a home pool, it should be adequately fenced on all sides to restrict access. Install a self-closing and self-latching gate to prevent young children from entering unsupervised. Even the best swimmers can get tired or injured in the blink of an eye.

Avoid Alcohol and Drugs

Never consume alcohol or drugs before or during any water activities. These substances impair judgment, coordination, and reaction time, increasing the risk of accidents and drowning. I also enjoy a margarita around the pool with friends but it’s important that you have a “Designated Pool Watcher” just like you would have a designated driver.

Stay Hydrated and Use Sun Protection

Encourage regular hydration and apply sunscreen generously to protect against sunburn. Heatstroke and dehydration can be dangerous, especially during extended outdoor water activities. Both of these can lead to fatigue or increase chance of losing consciousness which can be extremely dangerous around water.

Educate Yourself

Stay informed about water safety guidelines, local swimming conditions, and potential hazards specific to the area you’re visiting. Be aware of any warning signs or restrictions in place.

Practice Water Awareness

Teach your children to respect the water and be aware of their surroundings. Encourage them to avoid dangerous behaviors, such as running near pool edges or diving in shallow water.

Remember, these tips are meant to supplement your own research and understanding of water safety practices. By prioritizing drowning prevention and following these guidelines, you can ensure a safer and more enjoyable experience for your family in and around water. Enjoy your summer spending time at your local beach, the waterpark, wading pools, and backyard pools!

The post Drowning Prevention Week: Important Tips for Swimming Safely appeared first on SavvyMom.

General Toboggan Safety Tips

Regardless of location, the following safety measures can help ensure a fun and injury-free tobogganing experience:

• Equipment Check: Use sturdy, well-maintained toboggans. Avoid those with sharp edges or cracks.
• Proper Attire: Dress in layers with waterproof outerwear. Helmets are strongly recommended for all ages.
• Hill Selection: Choose hills that are free from obstacles, have a gentle slope, and offer a clear runoff area.
• Awareness: Be mindful of other tobogganers. Wait for the path to clear before starting your descent.
• Supervision: Adults should closely supervise children, ensuring they understand and follow safety rules.

By adhering to local regulations and prioritizing safety, families can enjoy tobogganing while minimizing risks. Always stay informed about the specific rules in your area, as they are designed to protect and enhance the experience for everyone.

Toboggan Safety in Toronto

In January 2024, the City of Toronto implemented a ban on tobogganing at 45 hills deemed unsafe due to obstacles like trees, poles, and other hazards. This decision faced significant public opposition, leading to a city council vote in February 2024 that reversed the ban. The council opted to replace prohibition signs with warnings about potential risks and information directing residents to designated tobogganing hills. Additionally, safety measures such as hay bales were reinstated to enhance safety at these locations.

Check out the Best Spots for Tobogganing in Toronto

Tobogganing in Ottawa

Ottawa offers numerous parks and hills suitable for tobogganing. While the city encourages this activity, it emphasizes the importance of safety. Tobogganers are advised to:

• Choose hills free from obstacles like trees, rocks, and poles.
• Ensure the hill has a gentle slope and a long, flat stopping area at the bottom.
• Wear helmets to protect against head injuries.
• Supervise children closely during tobogganing activities.

It’s recommended to consult the City of Ottawa’s official website or local authorities for specific guidelines and any updates on designated tobogganing areas.

Check out the Best Spots for Tobogganing in Ottawa

Tobogganing in Calgary

The City of Calgary maintains several designated tobogganing hills that are regularly inspected for safety. To promote a safe experience, the city advises:

• Using only designated hills for tobogganing.
• Inspecting the hill before use to ensure it’s free from hazards.
• Wearing appropriate winter gear, including helmets.
• Avoiding tobogganing in icy or overly crowded conditions.

For a list of approved tobogganing sites and detailed safety tips, residents should refer to Calgary’s official municipal website.

Check out the Best Tobogganing Spots in Calgary

Toboggan Safety in Vancouver

Vancouver’s milder climate means snowfall suitable for tobogganing is less frequent. However, nearby areas and higher elevations do offer opportunities for tobogganing fun. The City of Vancouver recommends:

• Visiting designated snow parks or areas known to be safe for tobogganing.
• Checking weather and snow conditions before planning a trip.
• Wearing helmets and appropriate winter clothing.
• Being mindful of other visitors to ensure a safe environment for everyone.

For specific locations and safety recommendations, it’s best to consult local park authorities or the City of Vancouver’s official resources.

Check out the Best Spots for Tobogganing in Vancouver

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Tips and Ideas for Teaching Kids to Skate

1. Start with the Basics

• Choose the Right Skates: Skates should fit snugly without pinching. Look for beginner-friendly skates with good ankle support and get them sharpened regularly for better control. Don’t forget to check your own skates if you’re planning to join in!
• Protective Gear is Key: A CSA-certified hockey helmet is non-negotiable for kids learning to skate, and it’s a good idea for beginner adults too. Hockey gloves, knee/shin pads, and wrist guards can also provide extra protection for new skaters.
• Dress for Success: Layer kids in warm but flexible clothing like thermal leggings, waterproof pants or snowpants, and light jackets that allow for movement. For parents, skip bulky coats that restrict arm movement.

2. Pick the Right Location

• Begin Indoors or on Smooth Outdoor Rinks: Start on well-maintained ice with fewer distractions. Many indoor arenas have designated beginner sessions that are less crowded and more relaxed.
• Community Rinks and Programs: Look for free or affordable community rinks that provide skating aids, beginner-friendly lessons, or special family skate times.
• Explore Nature Trails: Once everyone gains confidence, try outdoor skating trails for a magical winter experience.
• Here are some great places to skate with the family in Toronto, Ottawa, Calgary, and Vancouver

3. Keep It Fun and Playful

• Make it a Game: Games like “Red Light, Green Light,” “Follow the Leader,” or pretending to be animals (sliding penguins, stomping elephants) keep kids engaged.
• Celebrate Small Wins: Every step, slide, or even fall is progress! Cheer them on and keep the focus on fun.
• Short Sessions, Big Wins: Young kids tire quickly, especially in the cold. Sessions of 20-30 minutes is plenty good for beginners. Be sure to end on a positive note before they get frustrated.

4. Teach Technique Gradually

• Falling and Getting Up: Teach kids to fall safely by landing on their side with bent knees. Falling is a part of skating! Teach them how to get up by rolling to their hands and knees before pushing up, one foot at a time.
• The “March and Glide” Method: Start with marching steps on the ice, then progress to small glides. Encourage bent knees and leaning slightly forward to find balance.
• Use Visual Cues: Draw shapes on the ice with chalk or cones to create “paths” for kids to follow.

When Parents Need to Learn How to Skate Too

For parents who never learned to skate or haven’t been on the ice in years, this is the perfect opportunity to join your kids in learning something new. Here’s how to get started…

Tips for Parents Learning to Skate:

Embrace the Beginner Mindset

• It’s Never Too Late: Many adults feel self-conscious about learning to skate. Remember—it’s just like any new skill. Your kids will admire your effort, and learning together can be a fun bonding experience.
• Take Beginner Classes: Look for adult beginner skating lessons at community centres or outdoor rinks. Structured lessons with a coach can help build confidence and technique.
• Invest in Your Comfort: A good pair of skates is essential. Your 20-year-old skates might need replacing. Rental skates are fine for beginners, but having your own pair that fits well makes a big difference.

Master the Basics

• Focus on Balance: Practice standing still on the ice, shifting your weight, and taking small steps before attempting a glide.
• Learn to Fall Safely: Remember! Falling is a part of skating! Practice falling and getting up properly to reduce the fear.
• Build Strength and Confidence: Simple exercises like squats or balancing on one leg off the ice can improve strength and balance.

Make It Fun for You

• Celebrate Your Progress: Be kind to yourself and celebrate small wins, just as you would for your kids.
• Pair with Family Time: Learn together or practice during family skate sessions so it feels less like work and more like play.

Skating Aids: Helpful or Hindering?

For Kids: Frames or chairs can help younger kids feel stable, but encourage them to let go gradually and rely on their balance.

For Adults: If you’re learning, don’t shy away from using the rink boards for support or trying a skating aid yourself until you feel more confident. Watch your back. Those things are usually meant for those under 4ft tall.

Create New Family Traditions

• Plan Regular Skate Days: Turn skating into a weekly family outing. Explore different rinks or trails to keep it exciting.
• Bring Snacks and Warm Drinks: Hot chocolate and cookies are great incentives for kids to take a break and refuel.
• Capture the Memories: Take photos or videos to celebrate milestones—your child’s first glide or your first successful lap around the rink!

When to Enroll in Lessons

If you or your kids are struggling with confidence or technique, consider signing up for formal skating lessons. Many programs cater to beginners of all ages, offering expert guidance in a supportive environment.

Teaching kids to skate is a rewarding experience that can build their confidence and create cherished family memories. Whether you’re a seasoned skater or just starting out yourself, the key is to keep it light, fun, and pressure-free. Lace up, hit the ice, and embrace the joy of learning together!

The post Teaching Kids to Skate: Tips, Tricks, and Fun Ideas appeared first on SavvyMom.

Much of what we know about human trafficking might have come from the movies; films like Eastern Promises and Taken are stories that take place on the other side of the world and depict rings of young women and girls forced into sexual slavery to pay off an immigration debt.

But human trafficking also exists closer to home, so here’s what parents need to know.

Facts and Statistics About Sex Trafficking:

Here’s what the most recent data from the Ontario Association of Children’s Aid Societies (OACAS) tells us about trafficking:

In 2019, there were 511 cases in Canada reported to the police. More than 96% of identified trafficking cases in Canada since 2005 were domestic, not international. Between 2009 and 2016:

• two thirds (66%) of cases in Canada were reported in Ontario
• Almost half of all trafficking cases were reported in Toronto, Ottawa, and Montreal
• The majority (95%) of victims/survivors in cases reported to police were female and over a quarter (27%) of victims/survivors in cases reported to police were under the age of 18

As with many crimes of a similar nature, human trafficking is thought to be widely under-reported.

Who’s Affected by Sex Trafficking:

The government of Ontario states that women and children from Black, Indigenous, and other racialized communities are at increased risk of being trafficked, along with:

• women and girls (though boys, men, and people who identify as 2SLGBTQQIA+ are also targeted)
• homeless and/or marginalized youth
• youth who struggle with self-esteem, and/or are experiencing bullying, discrimination, poverty, abuse, isolation, and other social or family issues
• people with addiction, mental illness, or developmental disabilities

The average age of recruitment into sex trafficking is 13.

Cynthia Bland, executive director of Voice Found, a survivor-led organization and resource for victims of sexual abuse, told cbc.ca that most of the individuals she encounters are girls and young women — many between the ages 12 and 19—with victims coming from our local communities and high schools. As for what makes someone vulnerable to being trafficked? “The largest vulnerability is ignorance to the issue, not really understanding what it is,” said Bland.

It’s important to note that sex trafficking does not always involve abduction. Victims often sleep in their own homes making it even more difficult for friends and loved ones to detect a problem.

What Parents Need to Watch Out For:

Sex traffickers purposely develop a bond with the person they are trafficking. The trafficker may engage in ‘grooming’ by making the victim feel special and showering them with gifts. They may also try to get the victim to look older or sexier and push them to experiment with drugs or alcohol and other risky behaviours like missing school and taking sexually explicit photos.

The sex trafficker can be a stranger or someone the victim knows through social media or even personally. Traffickers may leverage a relationship of trust or authority for the purposes of exploitation. He or she may try to isolate the victim from friends and family as a way to assert influence and control.

At some point the trafficker will ask the victim to do sexual things with them or others as “repayment” for what’s been spent on them. The trafficker may try to coerce the victim into sex by threatening to expose the things they’ve done, like take and/or share explicit photographs. (Read more about sextortion in Canada here.) They may also threaten to hurt the victim or someone they care about.

When someone is being trafficked, their traffickers often control every aspect of their life, including when they eat and sleep, what they wear, and who they talk to.

Changes in behaviour, physical appearance, new belongings and relationships with family and friends can be signs that someone might be a victim of human trafficking. Warning signs include:

• frequent absences from home, sometimes resulting in being reported missing
• being secretive about their activities
• staying out later and more often
• absent from school or decline in academic performance
• using new or increased methods of transportation, such as taxies or Uber
• seem fearful, anxious, depressed, submissive, tense, nervous or paranoid
• withdrawing or isolating from family and friends
• have a new boyfriend, girlfriend, or friend they won’t introduce to friends and family
• suddenly spend time with an older person or people
• begin wearing more sexualized clothing
• have new clothing and jewelry without a way to pay for it
• show signs of physical abuse or tattooing or branding symbols, particularly names
• suddenly have a new or second cell phone with a secret number
• don’t control their own passport or other documents

The Bottom Line:

Sex trafficking, though statistically rare, can and does happen in our own communities and to victims who might have previously been thought of as low risk for trafficking victimization.

Traffickers recruit victims in all of the physical places teens hang out, including malls, bus stops, even in middle and high schools. A primary hunting ground is online, making it even more imperative to know what apps our kids are using and who they’re corresponding with. Keeping electronics in a central location that is visible and easily monitored may help minimize inappropriate online interactions. Children and teens should be reminded to always listen to their inner voice and to never trust anyone who asks them to keep a secret from their parents. Know your kid’s friends and pay attention when new people enter their lives.

Resources for Help and to Learn More:

If you are in immediate danger or suspect someone is being trafficked, call 911 or your local police service.

If you or someone you know needs support or wants to report a potential case of human trafficking, call Canada’s dedicated, confidential, 24/7 human trafficking hotline: (Toll-free: 1-833-900-1010). The hotline connects victims and survivors to law enforcement, emergency shelters, transition housing, long-term supports, counselors, and a range of other trauma-informed services.

The Canadian Human Trafficking Hotline website offers a national directory of social services, education/awareness materials, as well as reports and research products.

To learn more about the human side of sex trafficking, watch the story of one 15-year old’s escape from a sex trafficker here, and check out I Am Jane Doe, a documentary film about the epic battle several US mothers waged on behalf of their daughters who were victims of sex trafficking.

The post What Parents Need to Know About Sex Trafficking appeared first on SavvyMom.